Confidence Is Contagious. Unfortunately, So Is Bullshit.

Charisma is sometimes mistaken for being impressive. Bigger gestures, a stronger voice, a confident walk, someone who seems to take control of a room.

My experience has been almost the opposite. The longer I have spent watching genuinely compelling people, the more I have noticed that they tend to do less, not more.

Early in my performing career, when I first became interested in body language, I tried to make everything bigger. I exaggerated my posture, spread my arms and walked across the stage with deliberate confidence. I wanted to look open, bold and in control.

It worked, to a point.

Over time, I started to realise that physical presence isn't really about how much you do. It's about whether there is a reason behind what you do. A slight tilt of the head, a raised eyebrow or simply turning your whole body towards someone can communicate more than a large gesture ever could.

The same applies to the voice. Early on, performers learn to project: louder, clearer, more energy. With experience, you discover that you can whisper and still have an entire room listening.

I remember watching a theatre production years ago featuring several well-known Finnish actors. The younger performers were dynamic and full of energy. They shouted, ran and moved around the stage with intensity.

Then Heikki Kinnunen walked on.

He was already well into his seventies. He moved slowly, almost dragging his feet, and his face barely moved. His first line was delivered in a voice only slightly above a whisper.

The entire audience instinctively leaned forward.

That moment stayed with me. Stillness can have enormous presence when it is chosen.

You can see the opposite in people who are uncomfortable. They adjust their clothes, move their hands, look around the room or reach for their phone. The phone has become a surprisingly effective modern comfort object. We don't always pick it up because we have something important to do. Sometimes we simply don't know what to do with ourselves for a moment.

Other people notice that.

Confidence, on the other hand, often looks like having nowhere else to be. Your attention stays where you are. You listen. You don't constantly check how you are being perceived.

Of course, genuine confidence usually comes from experience, competence and status. If I walk into a meeting knowing exactly what I'm talking about, my body behaves differently than when I'm completely out of my depth.

But there is another interesting shortcut: roles.

Keith Johnstone, one of the pioneers of improvisational theatre, wrote about how putting on a mask could make people less self-conscious and more spontaneous. The mask gives you permission to behave differently.

We do this all the time without thinking about it. A police uniform, a doctor's coat or a CEO's suit can change how someone behaves before they have said a word. Performers do something similar with costumes, rituals and routines before going on stage.

Perhaps this is why I don't think charisma is simply a personality trait.

Some of it is what you learn to stop doing.

The less concerned you are with looking confident, the less you need to prove it. And strangely enough, that is often when other people start believing you are confident.

Confidence is contagious.

Unfortunately, so is bullshit.

This is one of the things I find fascinating about mentalism: the trick is often just the doorway. What really interests me is what happens to people when they believe something is possible.

I explore that in my shows and keynotes. More here:

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